


Chit Chat and Chaos

by Shelligator



Category: Green Eggs and Ham (Cartoon), Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friendship, Gossip, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23172394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shelligator/pseuds/Shelligator
Summary: Just two disaster friends gossipping on the phone, supporting each other's life choices and encouraging one another. They may not have worked out as lovers, but Guy and Michelle definitely work well as friends. Wonderfully well in fact. And there are just some things he can talk to her about that he can't with Sam.Things like being terribly, wonderfully in love with him.----------------------------------------------------------Just Guy and Michellee as friends with lots of Briefcase buddies pining. And mention of Michellee x Gluntz. May write more for this.
Relationships: Gluntz/Michellee (Green Eggs and Ham), Guy Am I/Sam I Am (Green Eggs and Ham)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Chit Chat and Chaos

“And then she tells me that she doesn’t consider art a ’ _real subject_ ’ for her child.”

Guy snorted, leaning against the wall as he twirled the phone cord around his index finger absently, “What absolute yipping bullvark shit.”

“I know, right?!” Michellee exclaimed on the other end, and he could practically hear her hands flailing in exasperation, her dense hair rubbing up against the transmitter as she sandwiched the phone between her cheek and shoulder, “And do you know what I said? Right to her insufferable face?”

“I think I’ve sufficiently braced myself.” He drawled, rolling his eyes upwards, but his tone lilted with amusement nonetheless.

“I told her ’ _I’m terribly sorry to hear that! But I feel Olivia has shown a real talent for the arts, and art is actually a very passionate and rewarding subject. In fact, it opens up avenues for very inspiring and exciting careers. More so than, what was it you say you do? **Pettifogging**_?’”

“Sick burn, mom!” EB cheered somewhere off in the background, and Guy let a warm chuckle escape him, running a hand over his face.

“I second your daughter, even if it’s a bit more… eloquent than I’d have put it.”

“Oh? And how would you have put it?”

“I’d have told her to get yipped.”

The brunette guffawed in shock and amusement, before she gave a quiet titter, “As satisfying as that would have been, I rather like this new job, believe it or not.”

Michelle had quit her bean-counting job before she’d even made it home to Glurfsburg, and not long after that, she’d applied for a job as the art teacher at a local elementary school. It turned out she was brilliant at it, and not only did it give her a chance to pursue her passion again, but it helped her to understand her daughter far better than she did before, surrounded by children her age on the daily.

She was happy. And Guy was happy for her. She’d even taken to wearing her hair down again, which she’d heard made her more approachable to children.

“Besides, I’m not thrilled by the thought of losing this job over something as silly as getting into a cat-fight with some helicopter-mom.”

“The sheer hypocrisy of _those_ words, coming out of _your_ mouth, is absolutely killing me.” Guy drawled, and he was rewarded with an indignant huff for his cheek.

“ _Guy Am-I_! That was uncalled for!”

As Michellee went off on a tangent about her remarkable progress in healthy parenting, Guy’s gaze drifted to the other end of the motel room, his lips parting slightly as he sucked in a quiet breath of awe.

Sam I-Am was sleeping languidly, sprawled out in a ray of sunshine that streamed in through the open window, one arm draped over his eyes to shield them from the light. He was snoring quietly, his mouth agape, and Guy’s eyes traced the pillowy curve of his bottom lip before sweeping down the soft, snowy length of his fluffy neck. White silken fur gave way to golden locks on his slender but toned chest, and the Knox watched as his breast rose and fell gently with each breath he took.

The tiny former convict mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, and he stretched a leg out, pushing his bedsheets down into a misshapen pile at the foot of the bed. His body arched in what Guy could only perceive as the most enticing way imaginable, sending a blush to the Knox’s cheeks. Sam practically seemed to glow, and Guy couldn’t help but wonder which was warmer, him or the light that shone over him _just so_.

“Guy? Are you still there? Guy!”

The inventor yelped at that, yanked right out of his spellbound staring. The phone almost flew right out of his hands, and he fumbled at it, pulling it back up via the cord before pressing it to his ear in a fluster, words tumbling from his lips clumsily, “Yes, yes! Still here. Definitely still listening. N-Not distracted at all!”

Michellee fell into silence, and Guy slapped the heel of his palm to his forehead, grimacing. But when the former bean counter spoke again her voice was tender, warmed by the knowing smile on her lips.

“How’s he doing?”

Guy’s face heated brilliantly as he spluttered on the other end, embarrassed to be so transparent. He would have argued once, but he simply relented, sighing as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “Sam’s great. I mean! Doing great. He’s sleeping in, it’s been… a long trip. And still more to go, we’re just stopping in this quaint little town to get our wits about us before continuing on to East Flurbia.”

“Mhmm” Michellee hummed quietly, and Guy could practically hear the smirk on her lips, “Have you told him yet?”

Guy rolled his eyes, growling as he waved a hand flippantly, “I don’t know Michellee, what do **you** think?”

The artist huffed right back, “Really Guy, you should just tell him. And honestly, this persistent topic of conversation is getting really, really old.”

“Rude,” Guy deadpanned back, his brow low, before he hissed indignantly into the transmitter, “And **you** brought it up! What would you have me do?”

The Knox couldn’t fight the swell of self-satisfaction in his chest as he heard the woman splutter clumsily on the other end. For all her teasing, she was ultimately just as much a social disaster as he.

“Well, I don’t know, Guy! Goodness.” She gave a nervous titter, tripping over her words a little, “I’m the last person to give you advice. Maybe you could take him out to dinner? Ooooor… oh! I know! You could write him a letter! A poem maybe?”

“Really? Poetry, from me? And Sam can barely spell, let alone read.”

Michellee made a small sound that was a mix of surprise and pity, before she suddenly yelped, followed by loud thumps and scratches that forced Guy to hold the phone away from his ear with a grimace.

“Oof! What do you think- EB!”

“You two are absolutely the **worst**! Geez, does it really have to be this **painful**?! _Just tell him_! We’ll have a phone bill as long as my arm and you two will still be talking yourselves in circles!”

Guy practically choked at that, breathing in his own spittle by mistake as he struggled to find some retort. Mortified and literally dying now, he covered his mouth with his hand, trying his best to cough quietly without waking Sam, tears stinging his eyes.

“EB you’ve _killed_ him!” Michellee wailed, distraught, wresting the phone from her daughter’s hands as the child giggled gleefully, “Guy? Are you okay? EB is so sorry for this, or she will be when I’ve had a word with her.”

“I’m alive at least.” He rasped, and after clearing his throat one last time, he managed a small, self-deprecating laugh, “EB’s a smart kid, she’s right of course. It’s just…”

Guy’s gaze drifted back over to his sleeping travel buddy, who had since turned over in his sleep to face him, drooling onto his arm as he gave another luxurious stretch. The sight of Sam’s soft, familiar features made Guy’s heart trip and falter in his chest.

“He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t mess that up again, you know?” He murmured, his voice small as he pressed the phone a little tighter against his ear. The thought was like a weight on his chest, and his free hand came up to card through his ruff anxiously, like he could claw that worrying weight right off it.

Michellee could only hum quietly in answer, and the two fell into pensive silence for the longest time. When she did speak again however her voice was gentle, warm and encouraging, “Well, from what I can tell when he speaks to me, he feels very much the same about you. EB’s right… I wouldn’t worry so much about it. He’s Sam. _Your_ Sam.”

Guys eyes widened, his cheeks flushing a remarkable shade of red. He curled in on himself, pressing the phone even tighter against his ear as if he could shield her words from his sleeping Motel Buddy.

“Really? You think so?” His voice was so full of hope, so open and vulnerable, that it would have been an embarrassment to his former self, who’d never dared to open up to anyone or admit his need for the love and acceptance of others.

He was rewarded with a quiet, fond giggle, a motherly sound that made him feel more at ease, “Yes, I really do.”

Ever since Guy and Michellee had admitted to one another that they would rather just be friends, that’s exactly what they’d been. And just like that, it became so, _so much **easier**_ , a relief to the both of them. It was comfortable, welcoming and relaxed, without any of the anger and pressure that had consumed them both in their brief, chaotic courtship. There was no more lies, no more pressure to be something they weren’t, and no more expectations to be anything but genuine and honest with one another, no matter what that entailed. And telling each other they were more healthy for one another as friends had been the most genuine either of them had ever been with one another.

And he really felt like he could talk to her after that, without fear of what she might think or say. It was effortless, the banter and shared exasperation of the world around them. Their matching clumsiness when it came to interacting with others, and their often crippling anxieties that few others seemed to understand. They couldn’t fix each other, that was no one’s job but their own. But they certainly understood the constant struggle, and with the support of Sam and EB, and each other, each step felt a little bit easier.

Plus, there were things Guy could talk to Michellee about that he couldn’t with Sam, even if he was the most important person in the world to him.

Things like that he was irrefutably, all-consumingly in love with him.

It felt good, to talk about it to someone. And to be encouraged to pursue that love with dogged determination, to hold onto it and never let it go. Sam’s presence brought light and joy to his life, and his love for him opened up hope for life and possibilities that he’d never thought he could have.

“You know what… I’ll tell him. Try to, at least.” He finally breathed, and his smile softened as he rubbed at the back of his neck, his heart swelling in his chest with cautious optimism “Just so you girls can get off my back about it.” He added playfully, straightening up again.

As he did so, some movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he turned to meet Sam’s gaze with his own. The former convict looked up from the bed with half-lidded eyes, blinking drowsily as he roused himself from his slumber.

Yawning, Sam stretched himself out like a cat, arms outstretched and pushed into the sheets, rump up in the air. And as he did so he flashed Guy a small but practically glowing smile that made his eyes shine, as if seeing him had already made his morning.

With a smile like that levelled at him, Guy could actually believe he could tell the tiny man anything at all, and he’d still be there afterwards.

“Good morning, my bestest Motel Buddy! Tell who what?” Sam quipped, and with a whoop he suddenly launched out of bed, backflipping off the mattress in a flawless dismount.

Guy smiled fondly at him, the sound of Michellee’s giggles bubbling up in his ear, “Good morning Sam. Go get ready, I’m taking you to breakfast. There’s something I’d like to tell you.”

Sam blinked hard at that, his smile momentarily faltering in confusion. But he soon perked right up again, taking his pink nightcap off his head to shake it out into his trademark red hat.

“You got it bud!” He made to dash to the bathroom, but stopped on the way to literally climb up Guy’s body to reach the phone, making the taller man grunt and flail in an effort to maintain his balance, “Also! Hi Michellee, hi EB! Love you girls!”

“We love you too Sam! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Michellee sang playfully over EB’s excited chatter.

“I wouldn’t dream of it!” Sam lied effortlessly, and he threw Guy a wink before dashing off to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

Guy let out a breathless laugh, letting his hand rub up against his forehead and beneath his hat. Sam was a whirlwind, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Well, sounds like you have a date. Funny that, so do I!”

It took a moment for Guy to register what the art teacher had said, and he did a comic double-take, “Wait, a _date_? Really?”

Michellee gave a short bark of laughter, “What, thought I wasn’t up for dating anyone? I’d like to say it was really just you, but if I’m honest, you’ve given me the courage to try again.”

The inventor felt his heart melt at that, and he hummed quietly, leaning his head back against the wall, “Happy to be of service. Who’s the lucky Who?”

“Weeeeell,” she drawled giddily, “You know her actually. From your little animal smuggling adventure! Tall. Blonde. Hyper, and surprisingly great with kids. She’s helping EB with a volunteer animal fostering program. EB’s always wanted a pet. And she’s teaching her animal linguistics!”

It was time for a second double-take, and Guy fumbled with the phone again. He almost lost his hat in the process, and his hand clapped down on the top of his head, “ ** _Gluntz?!_** ”

“Yes, **Gluntz**!” Michellee mimicked him before giggling bashfully, “She’s… really sweet, actually. And with a talent for crafts, you should have seen the sweaters she knitted for EB and I. We have matching boat necks now!”

Guy was speechless, a grin slowly spreading across his lips. He was about to say more, when the bathroom door practically flew off its hinges, making the man cry out in shock and alarm. Steam billowed out of the small room, and Sam thrust his torso out of the fog, a damp towel wrapped around his head as he gaped gleefully at Guy.

“Did she say **Gluntz?!** ”

**Author's Note:**

> I like to envision Guy and Michellee as really good friends. Two bisexual disasters supporting each other through life as best as they can, even if they don’t always have all the answers. But they more often than not have just the right thing to say, and that makes all their chaos worth it. Plus, they love talking shit and gossiping, which leads to long, lengthy phone calls. And fueling each others salt. Like their playful dynamic in the Quiet Car, throwing shade at others and just being ridiculous. But with none of the forced heteronormative bullshit.
> 
> As friends, they’re more open to accepting each other for who they are, with none of the pressure of a struggling romance and very different lives. They can also support each other better as friends, as they are two very similar people.
> 
> Hope you had fun! I may write a part 2 about the actual ‘breakup’ next, since I love to think it was a healthy, empowering thing for them both.
> 
> Also? Heck yeah Michellee x Gluntz! This ship needs more love, they would be yipping adorable together.


End file.
